My 11 Steps for Restarting an Exercise Program

25 Oct

1. Eat too much and gain a few pounds — just enough to make my muffin top demand my attention. Ignore this for a while.

2. Find myself wanting to run or exercise. Shove that thought down with a donut.

3. Decide that I’m going to start working out again. Grab my calendar to find some free time. Realize that I have NO free time and freak out (possibly with a donut).

4. Gain 1 more pound. Get angry at myself and decide that I will start on Saturday.

5. On Saturday, put on my workout clothes and then get distracted by the dust on my nightstand. Clean nightstand.

6. Workout once and post a picture on Facebook. And Instagram.

7. Get busy for 2 weeks.

8. Work out 2 days in a row and strut around the house like a sexy beast.

9. Exercise on and off for a month and watch my muffin top shrink. Strut around some more.

10. Get busy for 6 months and gain 5 pounds.

11. Rinse and repeat.


14 Responses to “My 11 Steps for Restarting an Exercise Program”

  1. Words for Worms October 25, 2013 at 2:40 pm #

    You forgot self loathing and at least 2 good crying jags between numbers 5 and 6.

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:37 am #

      Yeah, I could totally add some self loathing in there between each step…

  2. Ashley F October 25, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

    You forgot general hatred for skinny 20 year olds that can skip lunch for a day and drop 5 lbs.

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:39 am #

      RIGHT?! Or my husband who decides to ‘cut back’ by getting rid of ONE bad thing in his diet and immediately loses 10 pounds.

  3. Michelle October 25, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

    I can add nothing to this except that this is exactly my philosophy/plan.

    • Quirky Chrissy October 25, 2013 at 4:50 pm #

      And staring at yourself in the mirror, thinking, “God. How am I paying for Weight Watchers? I’ve lost 3 pounds in 3 times as many months. Maybe I should work out. And count points more than once per week.”

      • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:38 am #

        YES! I tried Weight Watchers once and I pretty much just avoided putting my points in EVER!

  4. Kari October 25, 2013 at 4:49 pm #

    Its like you are watching my life from outside the window.

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:38 am #

      I am. Now hand me out a glass of wine and turn up the TV so I can hear…

  5. Jenny October 26, 2013 at 12:01 am #

    You need to download Zombies, Run! On the iphone the app is about $4 (which is expensive for an app) But it is totally worth it! I’ve ran 3 times this week and I keep wanting to run because I want to complete the missions and run from zombies. I’m not even into the whole zombie culture, but the app is very motivating!

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:37 am #

      I actually despise zombies and the whole zombie-culture thing happening right now, so I don’t think that this program would work for me. Maybe if there was one where I could run towards hot guys? I’d chase down David Beckham any day!

      • Words for Worms October 28, 2013 at 10:38 am #

        Maybe it’d get ME running… Hmmm….

  6. shecando October 26, 2013 at 6:32 am #

    Story of my life! This time I’m going to break the habit with my Summer Challenge!

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:37 am #

      What is the Summer challenge? And you know it’s fall, right… 😉

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