Doing Something Scary

5 Feb

So I totally had a plan to post something funny today about almost peeing myself and then I decided to be super honest for a minute. I mean, that story would have been honest too. It’s just that this one is about that feeling when you have a knot in your stomach and you feel like you might hurl.

I posted a picture of myself on Facebook and Twitter.

Yeah, I know. Not so scary considering that I often post silly pictures of myself on this blog. However, this picture wasn’t one of those self-portraits where you can just see my face or my hair. I posted a picture of my body.

A body that I’m not completely happy with right now.
A body that is at its highest weight since I had my baby.

So why did I do it if it was so darn scary? Why not just keep posting pretty shots of me smiling with a cup of coffee? Or old pictures from my wedding over 4 years ago where I have professionally done makeup and a super awesome corset?

Well, when I was talking about my style rut a couple weeks ago I actually went looking through pictures on my personal Facebook page to illustrate how I pretty much always wear the same thing. As I was searching I realized that I haven’t taken an actual full body shot of my non-pregnant self in years.

None from before I was pregnant and definitely none from after Jack was born. Well, there is one family picture from Christmas, but I’m wearing flannel pj pants and holding Jack in front of my belly. So that kind of doesn’t count.

The point is I’m NOT happy with how I look right now. And there is unfortunately no magical way to blink and lose a bunch of weight. So this is how I look and I’m trying to own it.

This body created a healthy little boy.
This body has had cancerous pieces cut off and is still kicking.
This body has run 5k races and lived to tell the tale.

830295_417230315026029_1286886742_oYes, in the picture I’m looking down a little bit which creates a horrible double-chin. And yes, I’m not the size I want to be. But until I AM that size, I need to be okay with that.

So thank you to any of you who left me a nice comment on my Facebook page. It honestly made me feel so much less scared to put myself out there.

My goal is to get back to eating healthy and get back in shape, so that I’m proud to post a picture of myself for you to see.

Until then though, I’m going to be okay with what I’ve got. Actually, you know what? I’m not going to be okay with it, I’m going to ROCK the heck out of it.

Advertisements

12 Responses to “Doing Something Scary”

  1. Words for Worms February 5, 2013 at 1:31 pm #

    Joules. I get it. I haven’t had a baby, but I’m not as thin as I’d like. I don’t know if I ever will be. I’m glad that you want to get healthy, yay for you! But you are awesome at any size. Finding clothes that make you FEEL good even if you’re not where you want to be is half the battle. I think the dress is gorgeous and I dig the cardi. You’re rocking it out, Mamacita. Tell your little brain demons to STFU.

  2. kebum1 February 5, 2013 at 1:37 pm #

    Damn girl, talk about owning your shit & making me realize I need to do the same! I almost commented on your fb pic. But didn’t. Until I read this I wasn’t sure why. I do the same things, only my ‘baby’ is 14. I need to to learn to accept what is great about myself. Scars & all. Extra 25lbs that needs to go? I need to love that too, then show it the door.
    As I’ve said before, you freakin’ rock girl!

  3. Teri February 5, 2013 at 1:47 pm #

    You are awesome, and you are beautiful and I’ll be here every step of the way for you for support!! I’m in the same boat, the last full-body shot posted of me was at our Rotary Ball where I look like 60 lbs of shit in a 10 lb bag, so I’m hoping to see a better, healthier me by the spring!

  4. Kari February 5, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

    You are brave.
    You are beautiful.
    You are real.
    Hugs, friend.

  5. JoulesDellinger February 5, 2013 at 2:38 pm #

    Thank you so much everyone for your support and awesome comments! It was scary as crap to post this and I’m just bowled over at the positive responses I’ve gotten here and on Facebook. THANK YOU!

  6. Ashley February 5, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    Your blog kinda hit home today. I spent all morning searching pintrest for easy to do at home work-outs. Its not easy with 2 little ones. Who can make it to the gym? Before children I worked out 3x a week and was in awesome shape. Now the only shape I have is what I call my “c-setion shelf” a nice little pooch that shelves over my pubic area. This thing won’t go away! My hips need a sign that say wide load and of course my (still semi-shapely) butt has some nice jiggle to it. I normally try to walk every day and I eat healthy but my weight always seems to stick. Its been a sore point for me since I couldn’t take anything off 2 years ago after I had my son. I was feeling confident on a few work outs I found and have been pretty motivated. But the thing your post made me realize is that while I’m on the righr track to getting back into shape, I also need to own the body I’m in now because I’m not going to be back to a size 4 tomorrow ( or probably ever) I bore two beautiful babies that were difficult to carry resulting in c-sections. Yeah I have aches and pains but I’m also able to lift my kids and run and play with them. My hubby sees no difference because he loves me. Same goes for my kids. Thanks for helping me realize I can rock my body how it is!

    • JoulesDellinger February 5, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

      Ashley – Thank you so much for your comment. The last sentence totally made my day. Most of the time when I’m blogging I’m just getting my feelings out like a therapy that other people happen to listen in on. Or trying to make you guys laugh at something I find funny. The fact that today’s post made you realize that you can rock your body is pretty much the best thing ever. =)

      • Ashley February 5, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

        No, thank you! You rock and you are beautiful!

  7. Quirky Chrissy February 5, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

    You can do it!

  8. Celeste Glasser February 6, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    I’m totally in the same boat as you. I started making some changes…eating healthier, exercising (ugh, it sucks to get started but the endorphine release is pretty damn sweet) the thing is that confidence really is the most attractive feature a person can ever have.
    I love your pic, the cut and color of your dress, the sweater, your smile….we always find the biggest faults in ourselves. It’s a crying shame. I think you look downright beautiful just the way you are. Kudos to you for wearing that sassy wrap dress in the first place, you should make it a “go-to outfit” because it really suits you. Wrap dresses are my absolute fav!
    Next pic, stand up tall & proud, hands on your hips and throw those shoulders back. You are woman…hear you roar! ; )

    • JoulesDellinger February 7, 2013 at 11:10 am #

      Celeste – today’s FB picture is for you. 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: