Wedding Prep 101

28 Nov

I have a wedding to go to on Saturday.

One of my husband’s closest friends is getting married to a beautiful and sweet lady. My husband will be one of his groomsman, so that’s pretty cool.

Something else that’s pretty cool is that the rehearsal dinner and the wedding are literally the first times Travis and I will be out on our own without Jack. Can you believe it, ever since we brought Jack home from the hospital about 9 months ago we haven’t had a date night. Or date day. Or, um… date anything.

So yay for grown up time!

Anyways, the wedding is on Saturday and in order to prepare for walking in high heels again, I’m wearing a pair of heels to work for the first time in over a year. Which got me to thinking, why do I have so much preparation for an event when my husband puts NO thought into these types of things? Really, it’s kind of ridiculous.

Case in point…

What I do to get ready to attend a friend’s wedding:

  • Look through my closet and decide that I don’t like any of my cocktail dresses.
  • Go to the mall and visit every single store to see if they have an appropriate dress for me to wear.
  • Spend hours online looking for a dress that is long (for a black tie optional wedding), a pretty color, a reasonable price and a style that will look good on my not-exactly-the-size-I-want body.
  • Tweet friends for help.
  • Give up and look through my closet again. Decide to wear an old dress and just buy some new accessories.
  • Realize that I’m working the day of the wedding and will need to leave a work event early to get dressed and arrive in time. Let work know and deal with grumbling.
  • Spend hours online looking for a cute fur shrug.
  • Find a fun fur scarf at Kohls. Buy it with a $10 off coupon. SCORE!
  • Get home and try it on with the dress. Immediately take it off and put it back in the bag to return to the store.
  • Return ugly fur scarf to Kohls and end up buying $50 worth of clothes for my son.
  • Decide that I should diet before the wedding so I look less like I just had a baby and more like a hot mamba jamba.
  • Give up plan 10 minutes later when husband brings home pizza.
  • Spend hours online looking for a sexy pair of shoes to go with my dress.
  • Find shoes online and order using a promo code I didn’t remember I had. SCORE!
  • When shoes are delivered, find out that they are a little too big and really high. Find some old shoe inserts and shove them in. Dance around celebrating my ingenuity.
  • Check hair for roots and decide that the cut and color are fine for now.
  • Find a pretty braided hair tutorial on pinterest and pin it to my board.
  • Try to make my hair look like the pretty braided hair on the tutorial. Fail.
  • Schedule my mom to babysit Jack for both the wedding and rehearsal dinner. Ask husband to find out exact time he will need to be at wedding for pre-wedding groomsmen duties.
  • Spend time online looking for some sort of shaper garment to squeeze all my jelly into submission.
  • Order Shapees squisher thingie off website.
  • When Shapees item arrives in the mail, try it on with shoes and bra. Strut around by myself making “Oh LA LA” noises.
  • Check hair again to see if roots have gotten worse. Pluck a (possibly) grey hair. Decide roots are fine.
  • Ask husband again to find out what time he needs to be at the wedding. He finally responds with “around 4”. Plan around that.
  • Go through my sparkly jewelry and find earrings and a bracelet that look really great with my dress. SCORE!
  • Try pretty hair tutorial again. Fail.
  • Decide that I could use a manicure and pedicure before the wedding, even though the last time I had a mani/pedi was for my own wedding four years ago. Make the appointment.
  • Try on sexy shoes to see if I can walk in them. Husband sees and chases me around the house. (SCORE)
  • Worry about what I’m going to do with my hair and try other ways of putting it up. Wish that “messy hair pile with a plastic clip” was somehow wedding appropriate.
  • Try on sexy shoes when husband is not around. Realize that they are super slippery and find a piece of sand paper to rough them up a bit. Wonder if duct tape would help.
  • Husband now says he needs to be at the wedding by 2. Freak out and re-plan day.
  • Figure out optimal day to shave legs so that they will be smooth for wedding, but not freshly shaven for pedicure appointment (salt scrubs + freshly shaven legs = HOLY CRAP THE PAIN).
  • Wear high heels to work in the hopes that body will magically remember how to walk in fancy shoes and not throw me on my butt on Saturday.
  • Schedule phone reminder to try on entire wedding outfit and make sure everything fits and looks good. Ignore reminder for about a week straight until last minute.
  • Bite off fingernails and wonder if I should cancel my manicure appointment.
  • Schedule reminder to try pretty hair braid tutorial one more time tonight.

Here’s what my husband does to get ready for a friend’s wedding:

  • Order tux.
  • On the day of the wedding, shave and put tux on. Look hot.

I’m thinking I might need to make my life a little less complicated… Do you think yoga pants and a messy hair bun are acceptable wedding attire?

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5 Responses to “Wedding Prep 101”

  1. Words for Worms November 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm #

    That’s like Halloween! I had to go get shapewear and find accessories so I was an appropriate Alice in Wonderland. Jim? He put on a tie. That I ordered. Unfair.

  2. fireandrabbits November 28, 2012 at 11:04 pm #

    The first time my boyfriend met my parents he tried to leave the house in a t-shirt that said “Smile if you take it up the (yeah, exactly what you’re thinking)”. I asked him in a panic to change and HE TURNED IT INSIDE OUT. AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. BECAUSE HE MANAGES TO LOOK HOT IN EVERYTHING. The first time I met his Mom he failed to warn me that we were going to her house–I thought we were just grabbing coffee–so I was in yoga pants and one of his t-shirts (yeah) and had major bed head. She still looks at me like I’m a little unwashed and crazy. He of course thinks this is all hilarious.

    • JoulesDellinger November 29, 2012 at 9:21 am #

      Holy wow, if my husband had a shirt like that it would totally get “lost” one day when doing laundry! haha

  3. sue diamond-phillips November 30, 2012 at 6:24 am #

    This. Was. Amazing. Same crap goes on here…i tear my closet apart, buy something, return it, GET STUFF FOR KIDS, ohmyword. I loved this post!

  4. kenyagjohnson November 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm #

    I really thought I got ready for “events” faster than my husband does until I read your list. I forget about all the pre-stuff. Kind reminds me of packing for a trip which he can do the day off because he doesn’t have to try on everything he’s packing. You just gave me an idea for a post!

    So freakin true: “Get home and try it on with the dress. Immediately take it off and put it back in the bag to return to the store. Return ugly fur scarf to Kohls and end up buying $50 worth of clothes for my son.”

    Visiting you from DDW’s FB page. Nice to meet you.

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